hardships · Relationships

A Year of Being Single

It was my choice, and God’s prompting that led me to being single for at least a year.

A year ago, I had ended a relationship that was almost into it’s second year. It was your classic case of being in love, then things turning sour, realising they weren’t the person you thought, and feeling hurt and betrayed… so in other words, it was a terrible breakup. Looking back at the time, I was desperate to stay in it, even if it meant sacrificing my own needs. I made it my identity, and I felt like if I had that person in my life, then it spoke worth over me – ‘I was loved’, ‘I was needed’, ‘I was someone’s other half’. That’s why when it fell apart, and the person I thought I could trust ended up hurting me the most, I realised that I couldn’t put my worth in another human being, because they were not God ( and they certainly weren’t the person God had for me’.

 After it happened, I felt very lonely, humiliated, broken, angry and I put up a wall between me and others, and even God for a time. But then my heart softened, my energy had dried up, I was vulnerable and at my most humbled point. I was open to listening to God again, and to surrendering myself to Him. What broke me, eventually led me back to opening my Bible and meditating on scriptures to help me get through those rough months. I chose to heal in the best way I possibly could, by taking it to the Lord, like a small child who runs to her Dad when she’s upset. I felt like that child, all my pride and my own small naive understandings of my future plans got broken down. I was starting again from scratch, and I was asking God to come alongside me and help me pick up all those pieces of myself I left along the way. I allowed Him to carry me for months on end, being too weak to do it all on my own. God was definitely my refuge and my salvation. Once the darkest months had passed, and the wrestling with my past toxic self had come to an end, the initial loneliness wore off, the reality of life being single again sunk in, and I accepted it. I realised single-hood was not a curse, it was a gift. It was the break I needed, and in a way a quarantine of sorts from living in the co-dependent mindset. I no longer needed a guy to fulfil me, I was content in journeying life with God and realising my full potential.

When you call on God in your times of great need, be rest assured that He will meet you, even at your worst. Sitting here typing this post up, I am not the same girl I was a year ago. I was lost, desperate for love and settling for way less than I deserved. My weaknesses drew me to incompatible relationships, and made me spiral of out of control. But I am grounded now because of God, and because of Jesus’s sacrifice. God has taken what was meant for evil, and made it work for good. Through tragedy and heartbreak, God has transformed me. Are you going through a breakup now, or a different hard time? God is with you, he is your closest comfort in those times you feel you have no strength. You will be transformed too, and you will come out the other side stronger. God has your best intentions in mind, He knows what will make you happy, but more importantly at peace.

I have never felt more calm, more loved, or more at peace with myself since I made that hard decision a year ago. In my heart I knew it was the right one, but our earthly minds always try to fight back, the lies of Satan try to draw you back into toxic cycles, and try to stop you from becoming all that God had planned you to be. I was not meant to stay there, in that place of bargain, I was meant to soar, and keep reaching higher for God’s absolute best plan. Of course, in future I would be pleased to meet the man God has blessed me with, but I am content in growing first, learning how to be better for God and myself. Love is about commitment, sacrifice, respect, generosity, patience, loyalty and above all, a mutual decision to involve God. No relationship can survive without God as the pinnacle. I’ve tried it many times in the past, and it’s come as a dead-end.

My desire is to become an example of Christ, to be a good friend, to be patient and loving to family, to work hard and diligently, to give generously, to love profusely, to be a blessing and an honour to my future husband, and to worship and follow God all my life.In the meantime, I’m happy to report that I have been investing in my future, praying for guidance on future goals, and career pathways God wants me to step into. I have loved forming new friendships with many people I’ve met whilst moving to the city, and I look forward to settling into a new church family soon.

God is so good!

“The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.” – Deuteronomy 31:8

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