When it’s Father’s Day.. But You Don’t Really Have A Father To Celebrate

As the title suggests, this blog post will be about fathers & fathers day,

For all of you who don’t live in Australia, Father’s Day was actually a few days ago- as a side note.

I wanted to talk about this day from a different prospective- the prospective of someone who doesn’t exactly have the closest relationship with their father in their life.

I wanted to talk about this because I think fathers play a very important role in their children’s life, and their spiritual life too.

You see, for us to see God as our father, much of how we learn to view God as a father figure actually stems from our own relationships with our father.

Now since, my father and I haven’t had the closest relationship, it has been hard for myself, and probably many others out there to view God as a loving, patient, generous, compassionate father figure- because our own Dad’s did not possess these traits. So I want to speak to those of you today who are hurting, and who feel like they have a hole in their heart every time that Father’s Day rolls around every year.

Firstly- let’s start off by giving you a bit of a personal account of my own relationship with my father.

My parents were divorced when I was five, and my Mum and my younger sister moved out to numerous different houses growing up, only seeing my father once every fortnight or so. The reason for this would be a mixture of my Dad being too busy with other things, or dating, to see his kids, and a bit of us just not feeling comfortable to visit or welcome. In each house that my Dad actually lived in, it never felt like a home to us- just a place to bunk down once every weekend or so. ( Our bedrooms were never painted pretty colours either, and weren’t encouraged to play with dolls much, as my dad wanted us to be tomboys).

With that being said, sometimes it felt like we had a childhood, but mostly our Dad would put us to work weeding, or being stuck inside bored while we watched him work in the yard. Instead of dress ups, and going to friends birthday parties when it was our Dad’s time to have us, he would take us to motorbike shows, and just manly events- so we were never really allowed to be the beautiful daughters that we were, because our Dad just couldn’t accept that he didn’t have sons.

So as time went on, and our parents bickered and argued about different things, and they dated different people while we were growing up, so nothing felt really stable, as a family unit. I remember going to school, and then going to friends houses for sleepovers after and being sad seeing families with two parents living under the one roof. I thought how nice it would be to have that stability and love from both parents, especially when their dad treated them like princesses.

For a young girl growing up with just a younger sister and a single mum pretty much all my life, I had lots of ‘girliness’ around me, but getting that love and affection from a fatherly figure was hard, and even traumatic as it is such a key part in helping young women grow up to be healthy and cherished, to know how to seek out the right husband, and get that inner confidence they need.

So, even though my Mum tried her hardest in trying to fill those missing spots in my heart, it wasn’t the same as having a dad that showed you just how precious you were.

I think a lot can be said about Disney movies. I was a 90s kid so I remember all the classics, Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, Snow White, The Little mermaid.. etc. It’s not just about the romantic relationships between the princesses and the princes, I think it’s a reflection of how well young woman respond to males, their self esteem, and their ability to choose the right partner. A prince that has the traits of a man with good character, who knows how to treat a young woman.. etc. This ability that a woman has in separating the boys to the men, has been taught by the father and passed down to his daughter.

Now, in my case, I think from what I saw in my father, I was taught the opposite. I was taught who not to date.

My father’s character traits included a lot of negative ones that you wouldn’t wish to have in your future husband. My Dad could be very selfish at times, withdrawn, not affectionate, and critical of my body image, and my choices in life (preferably being a Christian). He could be intimidating, and manipulative also. The way that he dated different women as I was growing up, taught me that I shouldn’t date someone like my father, because it would never work out and I would end up heartbroken. So as time went on, I learned lessons from both of my parents.

Fast-forward and then back-track to a couple of years ago, where I got out of a toxic relationship with a boy who was emotionally abusive, and verbally abusive. I did however still have to learn the hard way about getting hurt and the importance of dating a guy that treats you like the princess you are.. but good news everyone, I did! A year and counting with that special guy I met just a few months after that awful breakup, and it has given me hope. Blessings from the lord are great, and he is always there to comfort and give you a plan to prosper you and not to harm you..

Back to Father’s Day though- I couldn’t summon the strength to call my Father on that day, and it has been 4 months since we last spoke. I pray for him and I pray that I will heal too from the damage of having a neglectful father. My biggest hope is that my father recognises the gifts that he has though, two beautiful daughters. That’s my biggest prayer, because then my Dad will see how blessed he really is and treat his blessings with the respect and the love they deserve.. but until that day all I can do is wait on the Lord.

And speaking of the Lord, while it is hard sometimes seeing God as a Father, in some ways it is easy too, because I see how God blesses my life, and gives abundantly. He is always there when my earthly father lets me down, and God always talks if you will only listen. I also know that while it is awesome having that special guy in your life who treats you like a princess, or an awesome Dad, that God is more great and more loving than all of that combined, and that his love will sustain you if all of that would leave you. That’s why it is so important to put all your trust in him, and not rely on human beings. I also love to read my Word too whenever I have doubt about God’s fatherly love.

This is what it says about his love for you:

“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.” (Jeremiah 1:5)

And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. (Matthew 10:30)

“Your Father knows what you need before you ask him.” (Matthew 6:8)

“Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your Heavenly Father feeds them.  Are you not much more valuable than they?” (Matthew 6:26)

“If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!” (Matthew 7:11)

“Your Father in heaven is not willing that any one of these little ones should be lost.”  (Matthew 18:14)

“The Father will give you whatever you ask in [Jesus’] name.” (John 15:16)

“I will be a Father to you and you will be my sons and daughters, says the Lord Almighty.” (2 Corinthians 6:18 & 2 Samuel 7:14)

“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ.  For he chose us…. In love he predestined us to be adopted as his [children].” (Ephesians 1:3-5)

“How great is the love the Father has lavished on us that we should be called children of God!” (1 John 3:1)

So as you can see, God loves you so so much! More than any earthly father or mother, or boyfriend could.

He knows your heart, he knows your mind, the number of hairs on your head, and his thoughts of you are endless, more than the amount of sand in all the world. He see’s you as his princess daughter, the apple of his eye, his beloved precious and beautiful daughter. And I want to speak to those girls who are just like me and struggle with not knowing their dad as well as they hoped to. Have faith, have courage and have strength from God. Turn to him when you are lonely, and scared, or worried, or angry. He can take your burden and give you rest. He sees you and knows you, and cries for you when you think that your the only one alone in your room, he is there too, watching over you.

I cannot emphasize enough, how much God loves you, and I pray that you acknowledge, and keep this message in your heart today.

May God bless you sisters x Keep strong